Dear Candey Girl,
I’ve been best friends with “Marie” for almost 20 years. I would do anything for her if she asked me to and without hesitation. I’ve begun to notice that whenever I’m in a jam and I call her, she’s always too busy to help me out. On one particular occasion I had just gotten a promotion at work and I was having a celebration dinner and invited all my friends to attend. Everyone showed up except “Marie”, she called a few minutes before dinner was to begin and made some lame excuse as to why she couldn’t make it. Do you think I should confront her about this or slowly pull myself away from her?
-Friends forever??
Dear Friends Forever,
You know, 20 years is a very long time. Honestly, gut instinct would have been to say ‘fuck her’, and move on, but a 20 year friendship doesn’t come along every day, so we should try to preserve this relationship if we can. My advice to you is this - give her a chance to bail herself out of the hole that she’s in. Find a second to have a private, heart to heart talk with her. Ask her if everything is all right with her - maybe there’s something going on with her right now that she hasn’t been up to sharing with you, or is keeping private because she’s embarrassed or ashamed to tell. If so, let her know you’ve got her back - it’ll make her feel better to have that reassurance. Then you can ease back into your old friendship by making sure you communicate every week. If she says she’s sorry, she’s been sooo busy with whatever - a new job, a new man, etc. cuss her ass out for neglecting you, something as simple as that shouldn’t keep her from keeping in touch at least, and it damn sure isn’t an excuse to stand you up - and put her on the two week test. If she lets another 2 weeks go by and still doesn’t call you, or return your calls then just let her drift away. Unfortunately that’s how life is sometimes - old friends grow up and grow apart, and your interests aren’t always going to allow you to rotate in the same sphere. If she doesn’t have any excuse at all, and gives you the ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, I’ve been meaning to call you back and just never got around to it’, then it’s time to let her go. But be civilized about it - don’t start any screaming matches, or name calling, no drama whatsoever. At this point enough of your time has been wasted on this ‘friend’, who isn’t there to celebrate with you during your moments of triumph, sympathize with you during your moments of sadness, or bolster you during your moments of weakness. That’s what friends are for, and she ain’t it darlin’.
Good Luck,
Candeygirl
November 8th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Wow, it sounds like your long time friend is not really a true friend if she never there when you need her. I would talk to her about how you feel and find out if something is going on with her that is preventing her from being a true friend in your times of need.