Dear Candey Girl,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years now, and we live together. When we first moved in together, we both used to talk to other people on the phone sometimes, but we had an understanding that there was definitely no dating other people allowed. Eventually we both stopped talking to members of the opposite sex on the phone also. Recently, my boyfriend started getting calls on his cell phone where he would tell whoever it was he would call them back, or sometimes getting up and leaving the room to talk on the phone. Sometimes I can hear the person on the other end before he leaves the room and it is a woman. I’ve asked him about these calls, and he says it’s just a friend of his who works in the same building as him, and that we never agreed not to talk to other people as friends. This is true, but neither of us have done that in so long that it was never an issue. Now this chick has started calling our home phone!! And at all hours of the day or night. Last night we were laying in bed together, and she calls, and he gets up to talk to her - in the living room no less. I don’t actually think he’s cheating on me with this girl (at least not yet), but I am not about to keep on like this. She is disrespecting my household and causing problems between me and my man. The next time she calls, I plan to give her a piece of my mind, but you know how scandalous women can be, how do I get her away from my boyfriend, and keep her away?
One Pissed Bitch
Dear Pissed Bitch,
Girl, you have got some issues. For one, it seems to me that you are putting all of your eggs in one blame basket, and it’s the wrong one. You are faulting this girl, and not blaming your man, which is what you should be doing. Your man is the one who is supposed to be loyal to you and your feelings, not some woman who does not know you, does not like you, and probably wants what you have. If your man has not told her not to call your house, and you have not told her not to call your house, she must feel it is okay to call your house. You do not know what she may have been told about your home life, for all you know, she thinks you’re his sister. Now, if you tell her not to call and she continues to do so, then that is outright disrespect, and needs to be dealt with accordingly. (Do not take this to mean go out and kick her ass - this is not legal, and we strive to stay within the bounds of the law here.) However there are other things that can be done, such as blocking her phone number, etc. In the meantime, your man has some explaining to do! Under no circumstances should any of his women friends be given the number to your home. In fact, if you are in a committed relationship, they shouldn’t be calling him period. His office hours are from 9 to 5. That’s it. Also, why would your man be getting out of bed with you to talk to some other woman? Hello - do you see the problem here? If the two of them are just friends, why would he have to leave the room to talk to her anyway? Does he leave the room to talk to his male friends? Furthermore, if you do have an agreement to talk to others of the opposite sex, it shouldn’t be in the middle of the night - the only thing open at midnight is some legs. Just my opinion, but you did ask me. So, my solution is this - sit your man down for a little talk. Be nice, be sweet, be strong. Let him know that you are not comfortable with this new turn in your relationship. Ask him if he’d feel comfortable if you were doing the same thing. Do not make any threats you have no intention of keeping. If he is willing to cut out the phone calls, great - you have a man who cares about your feelings, carry on! If he is not willing to stop talking to this woman, then this relationship isn’t quite where you thought it was, dump him, or start playing him for the fool he’s trying to play you for.
Good Luck,
Candey Girl
